Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
