then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
