I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
