I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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