I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
