peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
