I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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