What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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