I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
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worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
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Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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