my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
