for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
