How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
