I feel great
I just peed on a car
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
