Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
