Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
