i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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