half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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