walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
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