Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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