drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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