they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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