You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
