I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
