this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Randomize
