if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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