like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
