dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
