Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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