i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
