her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
