im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
