The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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