the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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