I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
