Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
