If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
