I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
