Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
