Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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