my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we're making bets on your personal life
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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