just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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