She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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