Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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