I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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