I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
