i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
