12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize