D3 body, D1 cock
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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