went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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