It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
