so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
