Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
