he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
try to milk me bitch
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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