Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
