his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
