I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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