nut hugger
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
