I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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