he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
