never play flip cup with pint glasses
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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