He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
