He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
