guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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