Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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