is wine microwaveable?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
