I wish my penis had an off switch
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
