Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
