if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize