new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
