Are we in a gay sports bar?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
