You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
