you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
