It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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