Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
