i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
