its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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