I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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