I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
