got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
