good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
